|
liveloud_loveone
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Kelsey
Location: The Poconos, Pennsylvania
Birthday: 4/30/1989
Gender: Female
Interests: english, writing, poetry, books, movies, theatre, photography, painting, MUSIC, rain, lightning storms, fire, eyes, kisses, conversation, and life in general
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
3/28/2005
|
|
| Sometimes it's difficult to know exactly what you want. I mean, at this age people expect you to know what you want to study and what you want to do when you graduate. That leads you to think that you need to know everything else too, and it's frustrating to not know how to answer people's questions. I've spent so much of my time trying to figure out "Well, what can I do with my writing degree?" or "Do I really see myself spending forever with this person or that person?" and not being able to answer those questions has made me feel like I'm disappointing someone. But then I stop and think about it, like really stop. I realize that I'm nineteen years old. No one can really expect me to know what I want to be "when I grow up". There's no way I can know the exact career I'm going to hold. And no one can expect me to know who I love and who I will continue to love the rest of my life. All I know, and all I can ever truly know is what I'm doing right now. I'm in college studying English with a concentration in writing. I'm still living at home with my mother. And I have no idea if the guy I'm dating now is "the one". I'm fairly content with what I know and I know that one day I'll figure the rest out.
| | |
| So I know I said a few weeks ago that I don't want to be at school anymore, but I think I'm having a change of heart. I still need to talk to advisers and all that jazz but I just might stay.
I'll keep you updated.
| | |
| This time last year, I was away at college loving my classes but wishing I knew more people. Now I'm at college living at home hating my classes but content with social aspects.
I'm tired of having to explain this to everyone, so I'll write it all down and if they want to know, they can read it. I hate college. I hate getting up in the morning and going to a class where I don't want to be, where I can't even stay awake. I hate that I'm paying for this.
I can't learn by lecture. I can't sit in a room and have someone talk to me for an hour and take anything away from it. Yeah, I have basic concepts but I don't really learn. Learning comes from me looking at an actual something, from me seeing that this is in fact how it happens. I learn through experience. Funny thing is that I have three classes that I really do like: biology lab, chemistry lab, and dance. What do these three classes have in common? The simple fact that I'm not sitting in a room listening. I'm standing in a room doing. I can watch what happens to cells when I change conditions. I can watch chemicals change in experiments. I can move my body the way the teacher does and finally dance. it's so much more beneficial to me that way.
That is why I've made the decision that this will be my last semester of college. The day I take my last final is the day I will walk off campus for the last time. I will work for two months and make real money at my part time job. I might even take on a second job, I have to talk to my managers about that and if it would be better for me. Then on January 26th, I will be going to a new kind of school. Instead of sitting in a classroom being lectured, I will be in a room every day doing something.
I will be going to cosmetology school. I think it fits me so much better. Growing up, college was always the known destination. It was where I was going to end up, no questions asked. Unfortunately, when I got to college I realized that it's not for me, or at least, it's not something I'm ready for yet. I want to learn, but I don't want a degree. I don't even know what I want to do with my life so why stress over school now. Instead I've picked a trade. I'll do that. I'll enjoy it. I'll be done in 10 months and be out, on my own, working full time. Maybe later, if I change my mind and I do find something I want to study for real in college... I can always go back.
For now. I'm very happy with my decision. Which is a big step... for me.
| | |
| I can finally, truthfully say that I'm happy. I've been going out with Nick lately, and it's great. We've only been hanging out and going out for three weeks but I already feel like I'm part of his family, and like I always have been. Even one of his brother's friends said last night, after asking how long we've been going out, that it feels like I've always been around, he's so used to me. I've never had anything like that. The last guy I was seeing couldn't even tell his parents about me, and now I'm with someone whose family has embraced me. I love it. I love this. Everything is going 100x better than it did all of last year while I was at school. I feel amazing.
| | |
| So this week has been crazy. Now that I'm home, I've really been trying to be more social. I like it, hanging out with people and all, reconnecting with old friends. It makes things around me a lot easier to deal with, having friends. It's a nice change from being away at college. Like, I missed laughing: laughing at more than something humorous in a television show. It feels so good to laugh with a friend, and to make them laugh, and to just talk in general. I'm on my way back to happy, a place I haven't been in for a few weeks now.
| | |
|